Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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