Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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