I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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