Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
