I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
