Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
