My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
