Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...