You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
