It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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