I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
