I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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