Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
