he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize