is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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