is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
