I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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