You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
