I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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