the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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