my soul wont recognize me after tonight
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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