I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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