Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
