Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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