dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize