my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize