I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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