Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
