I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
