All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
