i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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