normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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