I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
