He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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