Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize