No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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