The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
