I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
