If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
