You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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