what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
