just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
