I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
