apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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