Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
