No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize