Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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