Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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