why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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