I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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