I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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