I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
