I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
