Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
