I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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