Ambien. No doubt about it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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