Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
