The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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