I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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