Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
