They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
