He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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