the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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